Fridley, and believing

Yesterday was the Fridley CX race.  This is the third year of the Fridley race and every year has been a nice autumn day with a dry course and lots of sun.  I had liked the course the past two years (except the pinwheel - although pinwheels can be fun if they are on grippy surfaces, not baseball fields) but this year's course was the best so far.  It had a good flow and used the hill in more of an off-camber theme, as apposed to years past where they jammed as much course on the hill as possible.

I started the race in the second row.  At the whistle it was immediate carnage with a handful of riders crashing on the cinder track.  I made it through unscathed and was sort of in the lead pack, although strung out towards the back. It felt good to finally be in the mix in some way and actually be racing in a cyclocross race.  The first lap went well and I was moving up and feeling strong.  Soon I started to get a weird feeling, and the heat wasn't feeling good.  I rode through the hill section on the second lap and it felt like my heart was going to explode. I had to slow down substantially just to feel halfway normal again. 

As I've found out this year, slowing down spells the end of the race for me.  Slowing down helped and I felt okay again, but what's the point of racing slow?  I wanted to stop but I followed my rule: if you can finish the race you must.

Since I was no longer racing but merely riding, I had about 30 minutes to think about things.  I toyed with the idea of not racing CX anymore.  I wasn't having fun at any of the CX races I've done this year.  My reasons for this ranged from not liking CX bikes to not liking the courses or weather.  Essentially it was the fault of everyone and everything but me. I've had a good season of racing MTB and feel like I have good fitness in many ways.  I am probably in the best endurance shape of my life with good upper body and core strength.  Why do I suddenly suck at CX?

It became clear to me that I am not having fun because I'm not prepared for racing CX; physically or mentally.  I expect to do well just because I have before.  That's not how it works.  Experience is a good thing but it doesn't carry an athlete to success by itself.  I haven't raced or trained for CX enough. 

If I would've kept the faith and continued to race yesterday I bet I would've come around after settling down and could've had a respectable finish.  But it's difficult to have that perspective during the race. Obviously racing is not fun when you blow up after a lap and look like an idiot.

With all this heavy on my mind, I came across this interview with Tim Johnson.  Johnson was a road pro in addition to being one of the best CX pros in the US.  This year he retired from the road in order to focus on CX full-time.  He's struggled with his form this season, probably since he doesn't have as much racing in him as before.  This seems obvious but how does he know until he tries it?

Johnson got 13th yesterday in a race that suited him perfectly.  The sentiments Johnson talks about in the interview reflect exactly how I feel.  Obviously the gravitas of him getting 13th in an elite USGP race doesn't compare to me having a bad local Cat 3 race, but it helps to know that a legend like Johnson goes through similar plights as me.

I have to believe that I can race well if I keep at it. It's easy to come up with excuses to hide behind, but in the end it's on me to show up or not.